Lori Grimes needs a good god damned slap upside the head.

Boromir would rather take an arrow to the chest than deal with Lori.

The bitch is crazy, Gandalf. I an't dealin' with her.

So it’s been about a week since the season finale of The Walking Dead, and I’ve been avoiding talking about it out of deference for people who haven’t seen it yet.  Spoilers are shitty, and I’ve been Keyser Soze’d so many times that I don’t even wanna talk about it – so quit reading here if you’re one of those people who hasn’t seen the episode yet.

Are farts lumpy?  No?  Then I definitely just shit my pants.

Lori's oft-used expression: incomprehension.

Okay, everyone who hasn’t seen the ending yet is gone, right?  Good: now what the fuck is wrong with Lori Grimes?  Has she lost her god damned mind?  She has the naked ambition to set Shane and Rick against each other and then she has the gall to act all “oh god I’m so disgusted” when Rick tells her he had to kill his own best friend?  Fuck Lori, and fuck Shane, too, that bald-headed douchebag lunatic.


I'm too sexy for my hair.

I’m glad Shane’s gone.  It was an interesting decision to delay Shane’s death until now in the television adaptation, considering how Shane dies in the comic book much, much earlier, as it gave the character time to develop.  His descent into Animalistic Survival Mode Shane was one of the best things about these first two seasons of the show, as it gave Jon Bernthal the kind of amazing story arc that most actors would kill for.   He absolutely tore it up as a rogue lunatic ex-cop that wasn’t afraid to attempt to completely supplant his former best friend in order to steal his family and spot at the head of the group of survivors.

This is a much better gig than "Singled Out."

The Nerdist, pondering whether Lori needs to be slapped or punched.

This second season was all about the conflict between doing what it takes to survive versus retaining your humanity in the face of a complete and utter breakdown of society.  Shane and Rick were the main forces representing these diametrically opposed forces, and I think that it was very telling that while Rick won in the end, he had to resort to violence in order to do so – it was only through adopting Shane’s methods that he was able to survive.  It was also interesting to see how Rick has continued to act much more Shane-like in regards to the group – I think they got it right on Talking Dead when Chris Hardwick said that it marked the beginning of the “Ricktatorship” portion of the series.

After all the shit Rick’s gone through – his wife giving him shit left and right, his boy getting shot by some big fat oaf, and then his best friend knocking up Lori (not that you can blame him, I mean who isn’t turned on by a scarecrow-thin screeching harridan who can’t make up her fucking mind) – he’s entitled to start throwing his god damned weight around.  With Dale gone, Rick is the only one who’s got a head on his shoulders.

But the rest of the group is all pissed off about him keeping that secret from them all season about how they’re all infected.  Like there was anything they could do about it?  They’re just in shock and they’re lashing out at the one person that actually has their best interests at heart.


Zombies plus roller coasters equals bad news for the guy in the middle.

All in all, I’m quite pleased with how the season unfolded.  There was definitely a lull in the middle, with the story arc involving looking for Sophia, as far as action is concerned, and Hershel was maddeningly obtuse up until Sophia’s rediscovery and the death of all the barn walkers, but it was kind of like getting on a roller coaster – that slow, slow trip up the first hill, where you can’t really see what’s coming but you know that when you get to the top, it’s going to be a hell of a ride, and the second half of the season was pretty much exactly like that.

Carl Grimes: pre-pubescent tool.

Are you sure Carl isn't Shane's kid, too?

I’m so fucking glad Shane got gutted, though.  And I’m even more happy that Carl shot Zombie Shane right in the fucking head.  Carl, the entire reason they were stuck getting dicked around by Hershel for three quarters of the season, directly responsible for the deaths of Otis and Dale, constantly running off, stealing guns, egging on executions with bloodthirst, mouthing off to Carol while she’s mourning the death of Sophia… that kid needs to be pistol-whipped.

Definitely takes after his mother.



5 thoughts on “Lori Grimes needs a good god damned slap upside the head.

  1. Okay, cool, safe zone.

    They needed to get that shit back on the road. And by shit, I mean story arc.

    What’s ironic is that, out of all the characters that have changed so much, Lori stayed pretty much the same. She was bitchy and crazy in the comic books, and she’s still bitchy and crazy now. And I can’t stand her in any medium.

    But, yeah, seriously Lori point blank told Rick he needed to kill Shane. Point fucking blank.

    Rick gets the job done, but does it only in self-defense (as a side note, I think that’s the distinct difference between Shane and Rick. Rick hasn’t just outright murdered anyone. In Shane’s case, Rick says he knew what Shane was doing, that Shane wanted to kill him out in the woods from the get-go. Rick’s thing is to let the other person make poor decisions, then react in a defensive manner. Shane’s a murderer, Rick’s just defending his loved ones and himself).

    So Rick defends himself with lethal force and Lori just gets all choked about that dude with whom she cheated on Rick (who you know, also proceeded to try and sexually assault her in the CDC building, and, you know, kill her husband) getting his zombie brains blown out all over a shit-filled cow pasture.

    You’d think she would have gone: “Well, took you fucking long enough, dumb ass. I told you weeks ago that guy was a threat, but you wanted to be all namby-pamby with your morals and ethical values. Now focus, Rick, we’ve gotta get food and water for these folks.”

    • I agree with you 100%. I don’t even mind that they had Rick kill Shane instead of having Carl shoot him in the neck like he did in the comic. It was enough for me that he plugged Zombie Douchebag in the head.

  2. The way I see it, Rick is too much of a boyscout and too good for the ho…

    1: They were fighting even before the zombielypse.
    2: The man is in the hospital with a gunshot wound, and his family left his ass to fucking ROT while the Zombielypse is going on. I know zombies can be a game changer, but I don’t see my wife leaving my ass in the hospital so easy, even if I was in a coma. If anything she would have killed me deader than a hammer the minute shit hit the fan so I wouldn’t die slow in the hospital.
    3: The MINUTE I caught even a whiff of shenanigans from my best bro and my wife is the minute I revert to cave man Dan and demonstrate what a 300Lb gorilla of a man can do when you move in on his banana tree. Ever see the remake of Planet of the Apes, how the apes just pounded somethings chest till it stopped breathing? Yeah… like that, complete with monkey sounds.
    4: If a man is left for dead, wakes up, drags himself halfway across zombieland SOLO with a bag full of guns and reaches his family… All without soiling his Sherif clothes, he pretty much has proven that he is not the muther to fuck with. If your boinking his wife, the minute that badass strolls back into town you pretty much lop off your own dick, and give it to him as a burnt offering.

    Anyway honestly, the whole drama between these characters is one of the reasons I stopped watching the show. It just didn’t feel right somehow.

    Maybe I’m just too much of a Romero style Zombie lover… I feel like Walking Dead is just Days of our Lives with undead…

    Maybe it’s because the point of Zombie related media is that the Zombies are supposed to be a metaphor for something…

    In Romero, the zombies are part of a social commentary, that is cleverly disguised as undead. They are not merely the antagonizing threat that makes the drama happen, they are part of the drama, and are a metaphor for society at large in the modern commercialized world.

    Romero’s films have a Surreal quality that walking dead totally lacks.

    Again I think it’s because the show is written more as a soap opera, the conflict/antagonizing force could be anything, the fact that it’s zombies is almost irrelevant.

    I don’t blame people for liking the show, I just don’t get it. It’s like how Battlestar Boredomlactica was on SyFy. The whole SyFy part was pointless, it was really just a show about people in a cramped space with occasional stressful situations applied to them to stress their relationships.

    Which is an important element in fiction, but when it’s THAT obvious, they are doing something wrong.

    Again that’s where Romero gets it right, the same thing can be said for a Romero film, but he so expertly hides the commentary and soap opera drama in the narrative of the horror, that you don’t feel like your being subjected to typical Cable TV Melodrama.

    Oh well. Maybe now that the Drama Train has left the station I’ll start watching the show again.

    • The show is definitely better when it’s dealing with the immediate threats of zombie attacks. Otherwise it just kind of degenerates into Lord of the Flies-type bullshit.

      Yes, yes, okay, we know that once civilization collapses, you’ve got people who will work to maintain some sort of order, you’ve got people who see it as an opportunity to become little miniature warlords, and you’ve got the followers that get stuck in the middle. It’s guaranteed to happen, but I’d rather just watch zombies eat people.

  3. Pingback: Keyser Soze’d – and by my own mother! « Amateur Professional

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