Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to a new edition of Tarantino Theatre! Last time we took a look at Quentin Tarantino’s seminal Pulp Fiction through the lens of the Early Modern period (known to most people as Shakespearean English), and as it’s currently a free Star Wars: The Old Republic weekend, I thought I’d commemorate the occasion!
I’m also still feeling like 6 layers of reheated shit, so you’ll excuse me if I half-ass this blog post. Look forward to some decent content tomorrow, when I report back with my experiences in TOR (and I will have a lot to say, trust me).
Coruscant, interior. MACE WINDU is present, interrogating BRETT, a disheveled-looking Zabrak prisoner. Mace Windu stands over a fresh corpse of Brett’s co-conspirator.
Mace Windu: I’m sorry, did I break your concentration? Ah, you were finished – well allow me to retort. What does Jabba the Hutt look like?
Mace Windu: Brett, what system are you from?
Brett: What? What? Wh – ?
Mace Windu: “What” ain’t no star system I never heard of. Do they speak Basic on What?
Mace Windu: Basic, you mynock lover, do you speak it?
Brett: Yes! Yes!
Mace Windu: So then you understand what I’m saying!
Mace Windu: Well then what does Jabba the Hutt look like?
Mace Windu: Say ‘what’ again. Say ‘what’ again, I dare you. I double droid dare you.
Brett: Well he’s a Hutt…
Mace Windu: Go on.
Brett: He’s bald –
Mace Windu: Does he look like a nerf?
Mace Windu: (while Force Choking Brett) Does he look like a nerf?
Mace Windu: (releasing Brett, who slumps on the ground) Well, then why you tryin’ ta herd him like one?
Yeah, I know, I’m a one-trick pony, but it’s a space pony, so piss off.