Fuck North Carolina.

God news, everyone!  I've lost the will to live!

Wallpaper-sized for your pleasure.

Well, North Carolina just went on my shit list, considering how it just gave the finger to same sex couples; the vote for an amendment to be made to the North Carolina state constitution defining “marriage” as a man and a woman, not only banning gay marriage and civil unions but also refusing to acknowledge the validity of such unions from other states, passed by a margin of 61 percent last night, and I’m pretty fucking pissed off about it.

Say what you want, I'd still slip her the sausage.

Because when I think “sanctity” I think “Kardashian.”

This bothers me a whole hell of a lot, and not just because it’s the 21st fucking century and there are still people in this country that use any excuse to be an asshole to people different than them.  Let’s get something straight: this new amendment has nothing to do with preserving the sanctity of marriage.

Are you fucking kidding me?  The fabric of the cosmos will not rip and tear if two men are allowed to share property rights, will it?  Is allowing two women to get married to one another going to cause churches to spontaneously combust?  Or is it that 61 percent of voters in North Carolina are just complete dickbags to anyone who isn’t straight?

I honestly don’t understand the hatred and the complete lack of compassion.  Is there a pack of angry gays terrorizing the state, roving through the mean streets of Raleigh, breaking into people’s homes and redecorating?  What is so fucking offensive about two people having anal sex?  Is it because the Bible says no to it?

Look who just showed up from Glass House Road.

Jesus tells me to love thy neighbor, but fuck that hippie. I hate fags!

Straight people have anal sex too, you know.  It’s not some horrible thing.  You can’t keep pointing to the Old Testament as a justification for your homophobia – it’s a 2,000-plus year old document that’s been both accidentally and purposefully mistranslated so many times that there’s no way you can seriously claim that it’s the undiluted Word of God.  Leviticus bans eating shellfish too; are you going to stop going to Red Lobster any time soon?  Don’t forget you should all be selling your daughters into slavery – the Old Testament says that’s okay, too, as long as you get a decent price.

It’s really just time to stop hiding your homophobia behind the fig leaf of religious beliefs.  You’re not a pious, Godly person for hating gays; you’re just a dickhead that doesn’t have the courage to stand up and proclaim the fact that you hate them faggots because they’re different and that makes you uncomfortable.  You have to stop hiding behind the church door whenever you say you don’t want “those people” teaching your kids or living down the street from you and you just need to admit that you’re a bigoted chucklefuck that thinks every gay man is a child molesting dog-fucker.

You know what else is voluntary?  Not being an asshole.

So when did you decide to come out as a douchebag?

And for fuck’s sake, the next time I hear someone refer to being a member of the LGBT community as “adopting a lifestyle,” or “making a choice” to be gay, I’m going to shit myself in rage.  Who the fuck is going to wake up one day and say, “you know what?  I don’t think enough people hate me.  I’m going to tell people I’m gay from now on; now they’ll really hate me!”  I’d love to see one of these idiots be interviewed and asked, “so what made you decide to be straight?”

That's it, I'm going with the nuclear option.

You’ve left me no choice, North Carolina. Release the rape bots!

I’d rather deal with people that are certified public assholes, like Neo-Nazis and members of the Ku Klux Klan, than people who pretend to be all nice and compassionate but instead harbor hatred in their hearts.  Go fuck yourself, 61 percent of North Carolina voters; I hope all your kids turn out to be gay.

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7 thoughts on “Fuck North Carolina.

  1. This whole thing sickens me as well. And if they wanted to go strict by the bible, then everyone who’s ever done work on a Sunday, including housework, should be put to death. Anyone who’s EVER cursed their mother or father should be put to death. In cases of infidelity, both the unfaithful spouse AND the person they are boning must be put to death. Interesting how these are somehow glossed over.

    It’s like you said, they only use their religion as an excuse for their own discomfort. Mind your own fucking business and go to church so your son can be molested by your priests….

    • I think that’s just the Catholics. Down south they’ve got Baptists and Lutherans – they don’t have altar boys to play with. Just the wives of the men in their congregation.

  2. “Oh, Marge, everything’s a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we’re not allowed to go to the bathroom.” -Rev. Lovejoy.

    Let’s not forget that Deuteronomy condones crimes of war, slaughtering entire cities for resisting a siege. Leviticus also condones the keeping of slaves. Exodus condemns men to death for working on the Sabbath. There’s also the prohibition against planting fields of different crops next to each other, wearing clothing of mixed fibers and handling pig skins. Are we to ban agriculture, polyester-cotton shirts, football and overtime? And whatever happened to no meat on Fridays? No eggs during Lent? The list so goes on…

  3. Pingback: Borowitz Report – North Carolina Weighs Ban on Electricity, Soap « Ye Olde Soapbox

  4. Pingback: Why did North Carolina Banned Same Sex Marriages (Part 1) What just happened | A Spoonful of Suga

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