Paging Mister Corleone….

Michael Fucking Corleone.  Accept no substitutes.

Hey I thought this quote was from the Sopranos – what’s the guy from “Scent of a Woman” doing here?

So a close, dear friend of mine gifted me a copy of Diablo 3 yesterday as a belated birthday present.  I’m not sure if I should thank her or not.  I mean, let’s break this down here, shall we?  The woman just spent $60 on me and I got to keep my pants on, but for fuck’s sake, it’s Diablo 3.  I’m afraid I may never wash myself ever again; the only exercise I’m going to get for the foreseeable future is probably going to result in repetitive stress syndrome to the fingers I use to left-click and right-click.

I'm going to love and tolerate the shit out of this game.

Diablo 3: Friendship is Magic

Now I know what a lot are you are doing right now; you’re rolling your eyes, thinking I’ve just polished off a big old glass of the Blizzard Kool-Aid, but let’s be honest here: I’ve never hidden my nostalgic love of the original Diablo, as I’ve recounted when I talked about my experiences in the recent free beta weekend.  Not only that, but I liked the first one better than Diablo 2, which is usually enough to get you lynched in some gaming circles, so I’m not afraid to take an unpopular stance.

I mean, c'mon, this is Blizzard we're talking about.

You really weren’t expecting server stability, were you?

My impressions from the open beta last month played out the same way I remembered them when I initially logged into the game last night.  And yes, I do mean ‘logged in,’ as that always-on DRM bullshit was in full effect, but I did get to play a couple of hours with an old friend of min from high school (actually, we’ve known each other since the first grade, but that’s another story).  While we were interrupted due to the server getting zerged by 2 million hopeful Diablo 3 players (gee, wouldn’t it have been nice to be able to play the game offline in a situation like that?  Yeah, fuck you too, Blizzard), we were reminded of one night over a decade ago when we were playing Diablo 1 multiplayer.


Bring me my brown pants!

We were both unfamiliar with the game at that point, as it had just come out a few weeks ago, but we were soldiering on through the first part of the game, exploring and fighting our way deeper into the cathedral.  I was walking ahead of him down a darkened corridor strewn with the bones of skeletons when we came to a closed door.  Being the intrepid sort, I walked up to the door and opened it, revealing what awaited us on the other side.

Big mistake.

The room was teeming with skeletons.  They were packed in like the room was a sardine ossuary, bony cheek to nonexistent jowl, which would have been enough to give us pause, if it hadn’t been for the massive 10-foot tall skeleton king in full armor standing at the head of the horde.  I slammed the door shut and began backing away, typing furiously over the game chat:

Beowulf: oh fuck oh fuck don't go in there keep the door shut

My friend typed back, just as quickly:

KalfKin: think they saw us?

Beowulf: i don't see how - they didn't have any eyes

It was at this point that we learned that skeletons can open doors.  It wasn’t pretty.


7 thoughts on “Paging Mister Corleone….

  1. So far the game is fun and I’m enjoying it. But. I will say the mouse clickfest element isn’t something I’m used to anymore. Esp withouth wsad controls. My carpal tunnel in my right hand is acting up today!

    But considering how some moves work (one of my monks attacks teleports him to the target of the strike) would not workwithout it being click based.

    Allin all the atmosphere is just like the first one so far. And the top down isometric view, reminicent of old games allows your imagination to take over filling in details. Wich is a deceptively effective way to make a game or any medium, that much more immersive.

    • For me, D3 has what Torchlight lacked – an engaging story. The combat mechanics are awesome, too, and with the ability to modify your base skills with runes as you unlock ’em, well it’s a great way to customize your character since they took out the actual stat-building every level.

  2. I know you’ll all mock me mercilessly for this, but I never really played Diablo. I played maybe 15-20 minutes of it a few years ago when I was tweaking it to be playable on linux for a friend. I should probably go back and play it. I really liked the Untold Legends game for PSP, which was basically a Diablo clone.

    • Diablo 1 today would probably be pretty painful to play. Hell, I got frustrated and bored after a few hours of Diablo 2, since I’d re-installed it recently, but then again I’d always preferred the first one to the second.

      • NWN2 was bad in all ways that mattered. You can thank EA for that too I think as I think what happened was, Bioware had made that with Atari. But Bioware moved to EA, and so Obsidian made it instead. And it’s a well known fact that Obsidian is the developer where good franchises go to die and get the non frills treatment.

        NWN had a kind of charm and user friendliness that NWN2 did not have, first off, NWN2 was about as stable as a ice cream cone in a kids hand in a Detergent commercial. You needed a quantum quad core cyberdyne 4000 to run it.

        Second, the game play was meh… which is odd, because the NWN1 gameplay was less advanced… I think the lack of a good camera control system helped ruin it.

        Third, the game editor that made NWN1 so good (the ability for everyone to make new content without needing a lot of skill), was less intuitive in NWN2.

        Area design was harder than it had to be, tiles were too easy in NWN1, and the new method was IMHO heavy handed and clunky comparatively.

        All in all NWN1 is still a game I think about reinstalling and playing/making modules for. It just was a better game. Now… where are those installation disks anyway?

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