Monkey business.

Is my mouth full of pennies or blood?

The ground tastes funny.

I’m not the best or most competitive video game player around.  When it comes to co-operative play I’m your guy, but if it’s any sort of competitive environment, I just suck balls.  Sure, I could lay down a withering hadouken spam in Street Fighter II, but I was always utter shit when it came to the World of Warcraft battlegrounds, and the last real first person shooter that I was actually any good at was Unreal Tournament – yes, the original one that came out in 1999 – so trust me when I say I was like the electronic version of the kid who got picked last in dodgeball when it came to PvP.

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Taking a mental health day.

LIVE FREE OR DIE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Abe Lincoln? Please. Ben Franklin’s been killin’ the undead since the 18th century.

Feeling like reheated shit at the moment, so I’m taking the day off.  Sorry, folks!  We’ll return to regularly scheduled blog posts tomorrow morning.  For now, simply check out DeadCoats, this Kickstarter project that a friend of mine is involved in.  If you like zombies, lightning guns, and the Founding Fathers, you’re going to get a kick out of this one – trust me.

It’s a good thing this shit was free.

This is 100% accurate.

Xzibit A.

So you’ll have to excuse me for my passive-aggressive review of the Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut that was released yesterday.  I spent all day looking forward to playing it, working on my multiplayer game in anticipation of playing through the ending again, eagerly awaiting some actual better quality storytelling, only to be bent over and fed a spoonful of shit; apparently you really can polish a turd.

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Facebook shits the bed – again.

That grin makes me want to kick a puppy.

Not pictured: huge surveillance hard-on.

I’d really like to know who the fuck is in charge of privacy policy over at Facebook.  It’s gotta be the bastard child of J. Edgar Hoover and Richard Nixon, because the phrase “Facebook privacy” is roughly equivalent to trying to find an honest politician in Washington, DC – in other words, you’d might as well just give up and move to Canada.

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I’d stick a jalapeño up my ass if someone paid me to do it.

That'll be $500 please.

Jalapeño goes here.

I came home this afternoon from a fun weekend up at Faire Play only to discover that WordPress is rolling out their new WordAds service, which is their scheme (and currently the only scheme) for monetizing blogs hosted here.  This immediately got me thinking of ways I could sell out, make a boatload of cash, and retire to the Cayman Islands before the Internal Revenue Service found me.

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