Facebook shits the bed – again.

That grin makes me want to kick a puppy.

Not pictured: huge surveillance hard-on.

I’d really like to know who the fuck is in charge of privacy policy over at Facebook.  It’s gotta be the bastard child of J. Edgar Hoover and Richard Nixon, because the phrase “Facebook privacy” is roughly equivalent to trying to find an honest politician in Washington, DC – in other words, you’d might as well just give up and move to Canada.

If you haven’t noticed yet, Facebook went and changed your personal details for you yesterday, without bothering to ask if you’d like them to be changed.  Isn’t that so considerate of them?  It’s like they’re telling you, “shhh, don’t worry, allow us to do all your thinking for you.  Here, buy some more Zynga credits so you can harvest your corn faster in FarmVille.”

That's a cashmere wool ski mask.

He’s wearing a tie. He must be a white collar criminal.

What the fuck is wrong with this corporation?  More importantly, why the fuck am I still using Facebook?  Sure, it’s the best way to keep in contact with my friends and relatives, but with Facebook’s proclivity for fucking you over in terms of your privacy – you’re probably sharing more than you’d like to unless you’ve got everything locked down tighter than a nun – it’s a pain in the ass to keep things from spiraling out of control (the irony of this blog entry being cross-posted onto Facebook is not lost upon me).

Even though she had a bigger dick than me.

Oh, Bea. I miss you so much.

Google Plus is an alternative to the whole social networking thing, except that there aren’t all that many people I know who actually use it.  I check my Google Plus page every  once and a while, but it’s usually about as crowded as a movie theater showing a Golden Girls marathon featuring all-naked cast members (Bea Arthur, you sexy bitch.  If you weren’t dead I’d totally tell you to call me).  I’m just glad I don’t have a job where I’ve got some corporate mouth-breather demanding my Facebook password under threat of termination; I still keep my private stuff private, as all of my personal details are only available to people on my friends list, but I still hate the fact that I can’t “Like” something on that fucking site without my side bar immediately becoming populated with a billion god damn ads for all sorts of bullshit.  Just because I like Game of Thrones does not mean I want to see ads for dragon dildos on my Facebook page.  Well, I might, but that’s not the point.

Yes, that's a Coke can.  Be afraid - be very afraid.

For extra large assholes – like Facebook executives.

The point is I want these assholes to stop using personal details to try selling me shit I don’t want or need.  I’m more than a fucking advertising demographic, and I don’t care how goddamn accurate your marketing algorithm is – leave me the fuck alone.  And stop trying to “add value” by forcibly integrating an internal email address into my contact information in an effort to circumvent third-party email providers.

I swear, the committee of idiots who thought up this plan was probably the same one that decided to go forward with that disastrous IPO a few weeks ago.  I can only hope someone ends up putting “it’s complicated” in their employment status because of this.


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