Nickelback songs are not an appropriate choice when it comes to wedding receptions.

I'm pounding this like a prom date right now.

I’ve worn out three of these already.

It’s exactly one month until I tie the knot.  As a result, I’ve begun to slowly slip from blissful, ignorant confidence into “oh Jesus fuck this is actually happening” territory.  Truth be told, things are going well, more or less – yesterday we finalized the choices for the tuxedos for the wedding party, for instance – but I’ve found that when it comes to choosing music for the reception, I’m more or less flailing in the dark.

To hell with the limo; I want this parked outside the venue.

Traveling in style.

In order to relieve some of my stress without grinding up a handful of Xanax and snorting it through a rolled up $2 bill, I’ve decided to instead turn to the Interwebs for aid.  More specifically, I’m taking the easy way out by putting the question to all of you: what do you think we should put on the “Play/Do Not Play” list?  As much as I’d love to tell the DJ to play nothing but AC/DC and Iron Maiden, something tells me the fiancée wouldn’t appreciate that, so I’m turning to all of you fine MTV viewers – or at least those of you that remember when the “M” in MTV used to stand for “Music.”

So let’s hear it: what do you have to recommend as far as things that absolutely should/shouldn’t be played at our wedding reception?  For those of you who’ve been invited, here’s your chance to make sure you don’t end up hearing something you can’t fucking stand, and for everyone else – those of you who the fiancée and I wish we could invite, if we had an infinite budget – this is our way of making sure that you’re still involved, even though we can’t afford to invite everyone we want to.

If it appeared on the Laurence Welk show, it's an immediate "fuck no."Some things you should know right now is that if any of you suggest the Time Warp, the Chicken Dance, or the Electric Slide, I’m going to rescind your invitation.  In fact, I’ll return it via bag of flaming dog poop on your front step – and you know this threat is legit, because I’ve got your addresses.

So what would you want – or don’t want – to hear if you were getting married in a month from now?

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16 thoughts on “Nickelback songs are not an appropriate choice when it comes to wedding receptions.

  1. We walked in to “When Worlds Collide” by Powerman 5000 & that’s always a crowd pleaser! (Also, by crowd pleaser I mean the 50 other voices in my head that sound like a crowd…just sayin’.)

    In no apparent order that can be tons o’ fun:
    -New Wave/Industrial (think Chrome by VNV Nation, Once In A Lifetime by Wolfsheim, Bloodletting by Concrete Blonde, etc.)
    -Motown (anything that isn’t Barry White, but that’s just me…kinda done with Barry.)
    -80s/90s Hard Rock (even though you posted AC/DC as what you would want to play, but won’t, you can…Back In Black & You Shook Me All Night Long are big crowd pleasers.)

    I for one am ecstatic about your wedding & I KNOW it’s going to kick ass. Come on, you guys rock. 🙂

    • Those are some awesome ideas, thank you!

      The idea of you walking in to Powerman 5000 cracks me up. I floated the idea of walking in to The Who’s “Pinball Wizard” but apparently a rock opera about murder, sexual abuse, and mental illness was an “improper choice” according to Pam.

  2. If you play Nickelback, I will burst into flames and take the entire reception with me. Music was a big hiccup for me too — in the end I said pleu this song for us, this song for these dances, and have at it. Granted we had a free DJ team of “Tony and Gino” and they played all that chicken dance crap. The old folks liked it heh. But no Nickelback.

    • I’m going to dedicate a Nickelback song just for you at the reception. Which one’s the worst? I mean they’re all fucking awful, but there has to be one that grates on your nerves more than any other.

  3. I’d go for a straight up block of Nickelback. That always gets the juices flowing.

    Also, I must ask, what’s with the hate on the Time Warp?! I get not wanting the chicken dance and electric slide, since we banned that shit from our wedding too, but the time warp is more of a cult thing. Also, older Michael Jackson from the 80’s, you know, when he was still black, is always a good choice. I’m very picky, I’d be perfectly happy with tons of Ministry and old school techno.

    • I know the Time Warp ban was going to be controversial. It’s actually one of the only things I’m insisting on – I just can’t deal with any more Rocky Horror in my life. If I have to see that fucking movie one more time, I’m going to dress up like Tim Curry and go on a murderous rampage.

  4. Well april and I played 99 red balloons for the exit of the wedding, billy idol white wedding for the reception entrance. First dance was love you to death (type o negative) followed by stabbing westward (angel) we had other goodies as well. We had a medieval/fantasy theme wedding so we put a lot of suitable eclectic/goth metal 80s and 90s music in there. For the last song we had into the west by whatshername lennox.

    Honestly imho just staying away from the chicken music and all that other lame ass party boat music for seniors and I’m good. I don’t dance much anyway so I’m easy.

    Of course you could be awesome and play some dubstep, russian lullaby is a good one 😛

      • Pretty sure my neck sprain was a result of practicing the Gangnam style dance, but I’d be disappointed if you didn’t do that one 🙂

      • If I had the time and energy I would totally organize some Gangnam Style choreography for the reception.

      • Honestly if you don’t play gangnam style I will be deeply offended. I also insist that that someone dance over me like the asian cowboy elevator scene. That shit cracks me right the fuck up. Ok ok ill settle just for the song.

  5. You can always go classic for the slow songs, like Nina Simone – “Feeling Good” (or “Gimme Some” if you want to slip in a “fuck me right here on the dancefloor” song), Etta James for “At Last” and “Someone To Watch Over Me”, or Kenny Loggins – “Danny’s Song”. If you want to get a little quirky, there’s always BNL – “Lovers In a Dangerous Time”, “It’s All Been Done” or “Alcohol”. If you’re going with non-offensive rock, there’s always Boston, Chicago, Kansas, or Journey. For the faster stuff, you’ve both lived in NYC, maybe some Beastie Boys and sneak in some AC/DC once the people who’d be offended have left. Oh, and you two could always toss in Garbage – “The World Is Not Enough” if you want to go with the best evil love song ever.
    What? You thought I was going to suggest Oasis or My Little Pony songs, didn’t you?

    • I was actually going to insist on at least some Beastie Boys and Run-DMC. Considering how Pam grew up around the corner from Hollis, it’s very appropriate.

  6. Oh yeah, “The World Is Not Enough” is definitely a beautiful & evil song. Go for that most definitely. Dan’s wedding had some of the best music I’ve ever heard at a wedding & I didn’t leave the dance floor. (Seriously, there might have been a hook from somewhere that dragged me off by the end of the night!) We had Kung Fu Fighting for him & it was glorious, but that Gangnam song would definitely work instead. (If someone WEARS the outfit that guy in the elevator had on………….YES!!!)

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