A wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Fucking apes.


Something’s been bothering me lately.  No, it’s not the lack of publicity on four corner days, though that in and of itself is noteworthy. I am instead talking about the fact that apparently most “major” news outlets are trying to pass off the end result of barely literate chimpanzees pounding innumerable keyboards with their shit-stained fingers as quality journalism.

While reams of digital paper could be printed on how the mainstream media outlets are guilty of propping some idiotic talking head in a gorilla suit up in front of a camera and letting him spew poorly-sourced, disingenuous shit from his hellmaw like a frat boy murdering millions of knuckle-children nightly to the thought of doing a Hawley Griffin impression down in the men’s locker room (remember: it’s only gay if balls are touching, bro), the absolute worst offenders are games “journalists.”

Shit flinging retard apes.

Welcome to journalism school!

Let’s face it, ladies and gentlemen: games journalism is a joke. Journalists are either bought-and-paid-for by big time corporate interests, or they’re the kind of unprofessional, editorializing chumps that wouldn’t know objective reportage from a big steaming bowl of horse ejaculate.  To illustrate my point, take a look at this piece of “news” published by a UK gaming website concerning the DmC: Devil May Cry reboot – a piece that reports on how Capcom, DmC‘s publisher, has revised their sales figures down due to poor performance of the new title.

Now the fact that Capcom says the game isn’t selling like they thought it would is pretty significant news, especially since there was so much controversy surrounding the reboot. Fan outcry was rather serious, and the decision to change Dante’s character so radically was criticized very strongly, as his characterization was revised to be more edgy and obnoxious. The biggest signifier of how Dante changed as a character was that his hair – formerly white – was now black, implying that this New Dante was a 180-degree departure from Old Dante, and that game developers Ninja Theory were taking the new DmC in a completely different direction – not only in characterization but in gameplay as well.  Early response to a demo backed up these fears, as it was revealed that the fast-paced game mechanics of the previous DMC games that rewarded high technical skill were simplified and stripped of much of their nuance, resulting in a game that was much too easy and not nearly as challenging as it needed to be in the eyes of many fans.

More quality journalism.

Still better than the New York Post.

Now, cue the news that sales have been lower than expected: the absolute cacophony of “we told you so” that broke upon the landscape at this point was pretty much overwhelming.  Yet articles like the one written by this “highly respected game journalist” Ben Parfitt choose not to focus on how fan reaction to the reboot proved to be correct and instead blamed DmC‘s poor performance on the fans themselves.  This makes about as much sense as me standing up, walking to the kitchen, and slamming my dick in the refrigerator.  Repeatedly.

Somehow, Parfitt equates fans not wanting to purchase a bad game to the reason the game wasn’t selling well.  He attempts to draw a line from people being upset at the fact that Dante no longer has white hair, but correlation isn’t the same thing as causation. Fans complaining on the internet and talking about their disdain for Dante’s new look didn’t lead to poor sales of the game – the game itself being bad lead to its less-than-fantastic sales performance.

I don’t know what Parfitt thinks he’s doing in trying to throw fans under the bus and casting blame upon them.  He sounds less like a journalist and more like an apologist or paid shill for someone on the inside.  Does his cousin work for Ninja Theory?  Is Capcom holding his dog hostage?  Why not go the professional route and present a clear, objective account of the dispute instead of sensationalizing the issue?

It’s said that there’s two types of journalists: those who work tirelessly to uncover the truth, and those who try to keep it buried. What the fuck possesses a journalist to choose the latter?


7 thoughts on “A wretched hive of scum and villainy.

  1. Dude, seriously, Game Journalism has been a crock of shit forever… The entire Gaming industry has become a giant joke these days. While there are still great games being made, there is now a well established core of evil that only works for pure profit *COUGH* EA *COUGH*

    Not a single gaming mag is really neutral. Even my beloved Game Informer (I know Gamestop is Evil), has their left nut being sucked constantly by certain big name companies.

    That’s why I am increasingly relying on dudes like Angry Joe for my gaming news/reviews.

    Sadly, he is but one (Awesome) man. So he can’t put out reviews often enough to cover every game I have an interest in.

    However, his advice and opinions has saved me tons of cash on bad games, and brought me hundreds of hours of knuckle whitening pleasure (wait… that sounds bad) when I follow his advice and try certain games like FTL, and Guild Wars 2.

    He had his own run in with the Reality of the gaming industry a year or so ago, because he is totally independent, but has such a serious following he has started to get invited to major gaming events and things and is being treated as part of the gaming press.

    Where he ran into the real backstabbing bullshit that really goes on.

    So sad…

    HERE is one of his newest ones:

    • Angry Joe isn’t bad, but the first time I watched one of his YouTube videos he said “liberry” instead of “library.” And not for comedic effect either. That was the end of taking him seriously, I’m afraid!

  2. I never trust the reviews on a game completely. Sometimes they’re good, but it’s hit or miss. There are plenty of games that I’ve played and fucking LOVED that got shitty reviews. Heavenly Sword, Folklore, hell even Kingdom of Amalur got lackluster reviews, but were great games. Warhawk is in there to. Then again, games like Civilization Revolution got excellent reviews and damn well deserved that shit. Most of the time, I just wait to see if Yahtzee Crowshaw will do a review of something, and just go there. He isn’t paid off, mostly because he dislikes just about everything except Half Life (the original), Portal, and Psychonauts.

  3. The sad truth is blaming fans is sort of a win for a hack media journalist/critic; flinging stupid poo gets hate. Hate gets traffic. Good times, eh?

    There really needs to be a Yelp for journalists.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s