The other, other, other white meat.


Om nom nom nom.

Horsemeat: it’s what’s for dinner if you live in Europe at the moment.  This means that for the most part it’s “out of sight, out of mind” for most Americans, or the butt of dog food and glue factory jokes, but then something happened the other day that raised my hackles.

So, yes, there’s ready-made meals “tainted with horse DNA” over in several European countries, and most have just been throwing them away. However, one government minister from Germany took issue with wasting what is, after all, perfectly good food, regardless of whatever cultural hangups you might have about eating horseburgers, and he actually went as far as to say that the tainted food should be distributed to poor families in Germany.  At first I thought, “holy shit, this is awesome, he’s pulling some Swiftian social satire,” but then I realized that no, he’s serious.

"Please clear the bagging area."

I hate those automated cashiers.

He’s so serious that he actually scarfed down some horse lasagna in public, proclaiming that “wow, it tastes great,” like some bizarre Drink-Your-Ovaltine commercial from the 1950s. I can only imagine that he had a giant spit bucket under his table, out of sight of the media.  I have to give him some credit for actually showing that the Pony Express Pasta tastes all right – I mean let’s be honest, we probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference with a little Mr. Ed mixed in with our Double Quarter Pounders – but why is it that this government minister wants the poor people to be eating the tainted meat?  Sure, I get it – waste not want not, beggars can’t be choosers – but I’d bet you anything that there’s no way anyone would suggest the rich should eat horsemeat and donate the food in their fridges and cupboards to the poor.


Welcome to Luca Brasi’s, can I take your order?

The sheer absurdity of such a plan is one thing, but what really bothers me is the absolute lack of compassion and empathy. As if poor people should be okay with eating horse because they’re poor.  It’s offensive in the extreme and smacks of elitism – and shows how absolutely out of touch with reality government officials are. Let’s break it down: if you don’t want to put something into your body that you feel that is, from a cultural standpoint, vile, it shouldn’t matter how poor you are or not.  Unless you’re homeless (or a raccoon), you’re not going to be eating out of Dumpsters and trash cans – and besides, thanks to soup kitchens you can get actual real food even if you are homeless.  In fact if you wouldn’t feed something to the homeless, you sure as shit better not advocate it to be given to the poor just because you have some bizarre Prussian aversion to throwing away “perfectly good” food.

For fuck’s sake, sell it to the Canadians.  They’ll eat anything.



3 thoughts on “The other, other, other white meat.

  1. Honestly, while I get your point, if the choices are to either throw out viable food, or let starving families have it, why would throwing out the food be the better option? If we couldn’t afford food, I’d take just about anything to prevent my family from starving.

    • I agree with you about doing whatever it takes to keep your family fed. At the same time I just don’t see why the poor have to eat My Friend Flicka – maybe there should be a program where for every horse lasagna an affluent family eats, the German government goes and buys a nice steak dinner for a family of four living under the poverty line.

  2. I agree with just about everything PNG is saying. I don’t see why perfectly good food should be going to waste.

    It’s not like the poor are being force fed that stuff…

    As someone who has had to eat bugs to learn self reliance in the woods, and has shot and killed and eaten what he shot and killed on many occasions… the idea of eating horse – while unpalatable because I think of them as being like big dogs, is not otherwise a problem.

    I would never eat a dog or a cat, even post apocalypse, unless it attacked me and I killed it in self defense… Otherwise no way Jose. But not because the idea of eating dog meat or cat meat is unpalatable, but because I would feel bad for eating something that I would otherwise prefer to snuggle and talk to in kiddie talk wike I tawk to my widdle puppeh wuppeh.

    But if the fucker is already dead and in a can, I would rather eat it than let it go to waste.

    Make no mistake a Dog thinks the same way… There are MANY cases where a dogs owner dies, and the dog is left to fend for itself for a long period of time and the dog just goes ahead and eats the owners remains. So next time you look at your pal Rex on the couch, and you lock eyes with him and think about how much you love him… remember when and if the shit hits the fan hard enough… your going to look like a big hamburger to him and he’s going to look like a hotdog to you…

    Horses look like really big Deli sub hoagies.

    Don’t ask me how I know.

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