Chainmail Bikini Syndrome.

A good number of men are more or less walking hard-ons; it’s a well-established fact that massive numbers of men have been fucking whatever hole they could get their hands on throughout the entirety of human history regardless of sex, gender, or even species.

But it's nice and sunny out.

Twist my rubber arm.

This is because having sex, like playing tennis, is the kind of fun you can have by yourself but is even better with a partner, and while anyone who’s perverted the work of Andrea Dworkin will argue against this idea, it’s not rape every time a man and a woman have sex.  This isn’t to say that women haven’t been objectified to a high degree by popular culture for generations in an attempt to reduce them to little more than a pair of walking, talking tits and ass cheeks, especially in media such as television, film, and interactive entertainment.  This can be traced to the mostly-male content creators in pandering to their whatever core demographic they’re courting; in the video game industry this is almost exclusively the 18 to 35 year old male.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Yes this will deflect attacks nicely.

Not all games are horrid cesspits of sexism and objectification.  Nobody bitches about how Tetris is a tool of the patriarchy, or how Minesweeper denigrates women and reinforces negative gender stereotypes.  Even some high-profile “AAA” games like first-person shooters don’t have much in the way of overt misogyny in them; instead it’s about manly men picking up long, hard barrels and shooting their payloads at other manly men,  either over the internet and controlled by other players or under AI control in single-player mode.  On the other hand you can’t swing a cat without hitting examples of pandering to horny young men in the form of female characters suffering from Chainmail Bikini Syndrome, which is when women in games are depicted wearing completely impractical outfits that barely contain 38DD breasts and that preserve the character’s modesty by the width of about three or four pixels.

Let’s be entirely honest here: I enjoy looking at women dressed in nothing but a pair of pasties and a bikini thong – it’s called having a healthy sex drive.  Anyone who feels a physical attraction to women, whether they be male, female, or transgender themselves, is in the same boat as me.  At the same time sometimes I don’t actually want to see a pair of tits flopping around all over my television screen or computer monitor; believe it or not I’d just like to play a god damned video game without having to feel like I’m eyefucking a set of polygons.

Completely unnecessary.

Open me up, I’m animated!

This chainmail bikini shit has to stop already.  It’s distracting as hell and more than a little fucking embarrassing – if I wanted to see stuff like that I’d peruse some pornography and not sit down to play a game.  That’s not to say that depictions of sexuality in a game are automatically bad, but if it’s both gratuitous and completely defies logic and function.  It gives off the impression that every single person that enjoys playing video games as a hobby just needs to be ejaculating constantly; why else would there be so many depictions of “fappable” material if the world’s video gamers didn’t have their pants constantly down around their ankles, rubbing one out every time they earn a new Xbox Live Achievement?

Yeah it's a sexy outfit but it's completely fucking impactical.

Mortal Cumbath.

Just once I’d like to see a game where women are presented as more than just walking, talking vaginas, where they’re not wearing skimpy outfits for the sole purpose of titillating whatever 17 year old hormone hound is at the controls.  Treating interpersonal relationships in a mature way while ensuring that women are presented as individuals possessing full agency over their bodies would go a long way towards relegating the chainmail bikini to its rightful place: worn in bedrooms and at science-fiction conventions everywhere.

C”mon, just because I like titties doesn’t mean my video game needs advanced boob physics complete with inverse nipple kinematics.



4 thoughts on “Chainmail Bikini Syndrome.

  1. Wait. You don’t celebrate earning an achievement that way?

    Even the really difficult ones (I almost said “hard.” Boy! Something surprisingly similar to egg would have been on my face!)?

  2. Tomb Raider did a great job of presenting a female protagonist with a personality and a strong emotional connection to the player. The reboot, I mean, not the original. We all know the originals were a boobfest. But even though Lara’s still attractive, it’s not sexualized. She’s broken and dirty, and actually wearing practical clothing instead of the short shorts. Her clothing gets ragged as the game goes on, but it’s never even close to the claws-tear-clothes-to-show-off-Natalie-Portman’s-midriff level.

    Alyx Vance, Samus Aran, Sarah Kerrigan, Princess Zelda, Jade… You don’t have to go far to find a game that presents fully clothed women in various stages of badassery.

    I think the “chainmail bikini syndrome” occurs more when the developers know that a game doesn’t have much else going for it, like how T&A appears in B-movies when they know nobody’s gonna see it for the plot.

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