I saw a black Volkswagen Golf on the road today. It had a complete blackout kit – including a custom jet black Wokwagen logo on the hatchback – and the windows were tinted darker than a Nazi SS officer’s uniform. However, the icing on the cake was its license plate, which proudly read BLTZKRG. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: I encountered Die Reichswagen on the way to a doctor’s appointment.
Unfortunately I didn’t have the chance to snap any sort of photographic evidence, but I assure you it’s quite real. I also don’t know what to think of the owner of this vehicle. The decision to rice out a Volkswagen Golf is valid ( though I suppose you can’t really “rice out” a German-engineered car – what’s the proper term in such a situation? Kraut out?) but why in a million years would you spring for a vanity plate that reads as an abbreviated form of the word “blitzkreig?” Sue, I suppose they could be WWII history buffs, but why the Hugo Boss blackout kit and dark window tints? Is it to keep prying eyes away from the driver’s red armband?
All I know is that the owner of Die Reichswagen, whatever his or her motivations may have been, has fired my imagination and left me sleepless. I can only hope that somewhere, someone reads this blog post and passes it along to them – if you know this person, please tell me what in the actual fuck is going on. I don’t know if my heart can take not knowing.
Oh, and no one correct my German, as it’s more than likely completely wrong. The closest thing to German I ever studied was Anglo-Saxon.