You do not need a 41 megapixel camera phone.

You’ve probably seen the news recently: Nokia is releasing a new Windows phone with a 41 megapixel camera.  Anyone who buys it for that reason is a fucking idiot.

I don’t know why this makes me so angry, but it does.  41 megapixels is excessive, even for a professional photographer, and the idea of a passel of morons running around with a $300 smartphone with $600 of camera guts inside it makes me want to beat my head against the wall.  Wait, let me revise: it makes me want to beat the head of the Nokia exec who greenlit this monstrosity against the wall instead.

That might have sounded a bit harsh, so let me elaborate: anyone who buys a digital camera with a CCD or CMOS capable of more than 15 megapixels should have their head examined.  Anyone who buys a Windows phone of any type, including one that has a 41-megapixel camera built in to it, should be immediately institutionalized and fed the kind of drugs that turn you into a member of Pink Floyd.  “But bigger is better!” you cry. “The higher the megapixel count, the better my pictures will be!” No, you moron – the better the photographer you are, the better your pictures will be. A 24-megapixel digital SLR isn’t going to spit out fantastic images if you know absolutely nothing about framing and composition; the only thing you’re going to have are huge, shitty photographs.

“But I like getting my images professionally printed and turned into massive 10-inch-by-16-inch photographs so I have something to put on my beach towels!” you say.  Well, good for you.  That’s god damned weird, but hey it’s your money, right?  Well you’re in for a surprise: you’re not going to see much of a difference on images larger than 7 to 15 megapixels or so.  I mean yeah if you need to literally cover the broadside of a barn with pictures of your kid’s best friend’s cousin’s bar mitzvah go ahead and buy that 41 megapixel camera phone that you don’t even know how to use, just don’t come crying to me when your little memory card runneth over and you only have room for 32 shots on a 2 gigabyte SD card.  At least you’ll be getting that authentic film experience!  Next, you should lock yourself in a dark closet, flood it with toxic fumes, and then fumble with your camera for 20 minutes before accidentally deleting all your shots.  Congratulations, you’re now a professional!

Darkroom trays.

Not pictured: rage, wasted time and money.


6 thoughts on “You do not need a 41 megapixel camera phone.

  1. Ah… Now you’re speaking my language! Megapixels is not a substitute for composition, perspective and an EYE. In other words, some folks got it, and others–well, don’t. Further, spending megabucks on a mega camera does not a photographer make– but it WILL make one considerably poorer. Nevertheless , there’s no convincing folks who insist on abandoning a perfectly good camera in pursuit of higher and higher megapixels.

  2. I hear Bloomberg and Cuomo are teaming up for presidential run in 2016 and their first plan is to make a law that says you can’t buy a camera with more than 36 megapixels, and can only take 7 pictures at a time. Anything more than that is considered an Assault camera and you can be facing 25-life in prison for possession.

    This will of course cost only 25 billion a year.

    Remember, It’s for the children. Won’t someone think of the children?

  3. I buy the 41 megapixel camera, so that the aliens with more developed optical senses can really appreciate how screwed up we were as a species when we are gone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s