A trilby is a fedora in the same way a dog is a wolf.

I don’t know what the hell is going on lately, but this whole Men’s Rights Activist thing has gotten completely out of hand. Who the hell takes these guys seriously?

Now let me make one thing clear here before I begin: yes, Elliot Rodger, the spree killer that went on a murderous rampage was a card-carrying MRA, but his homicidal rage is less a product of the fact that he was a Men’s Rights Activist and more due to the fact that he was violently mentally ill – much in the same way that Adam Lanza’s shooting spree in Sandy Hook was about his own mental instability and not about the fact that he played violent video games. Now that these tragic but important disclaimers are out of the way, let’s get down to brass tacks: how MRAs are, by and large, completely irrelevant.

No, I’m not talking about their personal belief systems, regardless of how laughable they are. It’s immaterial to this discussion that MRAs are concealing their misogyny with the aid of a very tiny fig leaf. What I’m referring to, of course, is their badge of office. A petasos eorum cognoscetis – by their hats shall you know them. I’m talking about the god damned fedora.

Actually I’m not even talking about that. The irony here is that while MRAs have the – often earned – reputation for wearing fedoras like a troop of flabby, unwashed Sam Spade cosplayers, the truth is that the vast majority of MRAs are actually wearing trilbies and mis-categorizing them as fedoras. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s this kind of sloppy nomenclature.

Let’s break it down. For fuck’s sake people, a fedora and a trilby are completely different god damned hats. A fedora has a wide, flat brim all around and features a higher crown, while a trilby has a short brim that’s turned up in the back and is shorter crowned. Calling a trilby a fedora is the kind of fashion crime that sets milliners’ teeth on edge and incites rage in my otherwise calm and compassionate heart. If you’re going to be That Guy who wears that hat along with your My Little Pony t-shirt, cargo shorts, and Birkenstocks with socks, for fuck’s sake you call it a god damned trilby or I will find you and choke you to death.

Better yet, do us all a favor and get rid of the fucking hat altogether. You do not look nearly as cool as you think you do.

Jesus Christ how hard is this?

Jesus Christ how hard is this?

Editor’s Note: If you’re over the age of fifty, these rules do not apply to you. Just don’t call your trilby a fedora and we’re cool.

 

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2 thoughts on “A trilby is a fedora in the same way a dog is a wolf.

  1. I really hate the trend of these hipster douches wearing fedoras, trilbies, and whatever. Mostly because I associate those hats with older gents whom I respect, and who know how to rock that look. Dudes today who do it make me wanna punch them in the throat…

    • Unless you’re Indiana Fucking Jones, you shouldn’t be wearing a fedora out in public. Period, end of sentence. I don’t know anyone under the age of 50 who should be wearing a trilby. Maybe if you’re some douchebag in a ska band or something.

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